<%
function mstrGetRelativeURL()
mstrGetRelativeURL=Request.serverVariables("PATH_INFO")
End function
%>
<%Dim CurrentURL
CurrentURL = mstrGetRelativeURL
%>
Editor’s Note:
Many of you are aware that the country of Zimbabwe is a
dictatorship run by a typical African President-for-Life, Robert
Mugabe. Basic freedoms are severely restricted in that troubled
country and, therefore, we are protecting the identity of our
correspondent on the scene. Today’s Zimbabwe (the former
Rhodesia) is a nightmare of Kafkaesque proportions. Millions are
starving in this country that used to be the breadbasket of
southern Africa. And the madman dictator Mugabe refuses to allow
the importation of American foodstuffs, giving his reason that
they might contain genetically- altered grain. Just like Stalin
in his genocide against the Ukrainians in the 1920s, Mugabe is
content to let his people starve to death as a means of keeping
a stranglehold on power. We at ZCPortal would like to encourage
our readers to write to your political representatives and
protest against Mugabe’s barbarism. In particular, we would like
to strongly urge our readers to write or call the Black
Congressional Caucus and ask why there is so much silence about
a black dictator in southern Africa.
Four Reasons to Love Africa
The following are all true news excerpts from the African press
in South Africa, Swaziland, Kenya and Zimbabwe.
1. The Cape Times (Cape Town)
"I have promised to keep his identity confidential,' said Jack
Maxim, a spokeswoman for the Sandton Sun Hotel, Johannesburg,
"but I can confirm that he is no longer in our employment".
"We asked him to clean the lifts and he spent four days on the
job. When I asked him why, he replied: 'Well, there are forty of
them, two on each floor, and sometimes some of them aren't
there'. Eventually, we realized that he thought each floor had a
different lift, and he'd cleaned the same two twelve times. "We
had to let him go. It seemed best all round. I understand he is
now working for GE Lighting."
2. The Star (Johannesburg):
"The situation is absolutely under control," Transport Minister
Ephraem Magagula told the Swaziland parliament in Mbabane. "Our
nation's merchant navy is perfectly safe. We just don't know
where it is, that's all." Replying to an MP's question, Minister
Magagula admitted that the landlocked country had completely
lost track of its only ship, the Swazimar: "We believe it is in
a sea somewhere. At one time, we sent a team of men to look for
it, but there was a problem with drink and they failed to find
it, and so, technically, yes, we've lost it a bit. But I
categorically reject all suggestions of incompetence on the part
of this government. The Swazimar is a big ship painted in the
sort of nice bright colours you can see at night. Mark my words,
it will turn up. The right honourable gentleman opposite is a
very naughty man, and he will laugh on the other side of his
face when my ship comes in."
3. The Standard (Kenya):
"What is all the fuss about?" Weseka Sambu asked a hastily
convened news conference at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport.
"A technical hitch like this could have happened anywhere in the
world. You people are not patriots. You just want to cause
trouble." Sambu, a spokesman for Kenya Airways, was speaking
after the cancellation of a through flight from Kisumu, via Jomo
Kenyatta, to Berlin: "The forty-two passengers had boarded the
plane ready for take-off, when the pilot noticed one of the
tires was flat. Kenya Airways did not possess a spare tire, and
unfortunately the airport nitrogen canister was empty. A
passenger suggested taking the tyre to a petrol station for
inflation, but unluckily the jack had gone missing so we
couldn't get the wheel off. Our engineers tried heroically to
reinflate the tire with a bicycle pump, but had no luck, and the
pilot even blew into the valve with his mouth, but he passed
out. "When I announced that the flight had to be abandoned, one
of the passengers, Mr Mutu, suddenly struck me about the face
with a life-jacket whistle and said we were a national disgrace.
I told him he was being ridiculous, and that there was to be
another flight in a fortnight. And, in the meantime, he would be
able to enjoy the scenery around Kisumu, albeit at his own
expense."
4. From a Zimbabwean newspaper:
While transporting mental patients from Harare to Bulawayo, the
bus driver stopped at a roadside shebeen (beerhall) for a few
beers. When he got back to his vehicle, he found it empty, with
the 20 patients nowhere to be seen. Realizing the trouble he was
in if the truth were uncovered, he halted his bus at the next
bus stop and offered lifts to those in the queue. Letting 20
people board, he then shut the doors and drove straight to the
Bulawayo mental hospital, where he hastily handed over his
'charges', warning the nurses that they were particularly
excitable. Staff removed the furious passengers; it was three
days later that suspicions were roused by the consistency of
stories from the 20. As for the real patients: nothing more has
been heard of them and they have apparently
blended comfortably back into Zimbabwean society.
Don’t Try This At Home
Lake Kariba is a popular holiday destination for locals (well
there aren't any foreign tourists here) on the Zambezi River,
which is our northern border with Zambia. At this time of year,
it is extremely hot in Zimbabwe but even more so at Kariba
(temperatures vary between 30 to 40 degrees celsius). One
holiday visitor to Lake Kariba got more than he bargained for
when he went fishing. After a hot day on the lake the visitor
pulled
his boat into a little bay and decided to wet his hat in the
water to cool his head. Before anyone knew what had happened, a
crocodile which had swum under the boat, jumped up and grabbed
his arm. The four people in the boat were panic-stricken and
horrified. Fortunately, the visitor, who was standing, managed
to balance himself. After a tussle he managed to free his arm
and lift it higher at the same time that the crocodile tried to
get a better grip. Unbelievably, the crocodile tried a second
lunge but missed! The visitor was taken to the local little
hospital and after being put onto drips for the blood loss, 35
stitches and daily dressings, he rejoined the family on the
boat. The visitor is now back in England and healing well.
pulled
his boat into a little bay and decided to wet his hat in the
water to cool his head. Before anyone knew what had happened, a
crocodile which had swum under the boat, jumped up and grabbed
his arm. The four people in the boat were panic-stricken and
horrified. Fortunately, the visitor, who was standing, managed
to balance himself. After a tussle he managed to free his arm
and lift it higher at the same time that the crocodile tried to
get a better grip. Unbelievably, the crocodile tried a second
lunge but missed! The visitor was taken to the local little
hospital and after being put onto drips for the blood loss, 35
stitches and daily dressings, he rejoined the family on the
boat. The visitor is now back in England and healing well.
